


Timelord Kamasutra

by pulangaraw



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Glee - Freeform, M/M, Porn Battle, knowledge, on the console
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-05
Updated: 2011-08-05
Packaged: 2017-10-22 06:02:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/234665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pulangaraw/pseuds/pulangaraw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack finds a very interesting book.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Timelord Kamasutra

**Author's Note:**

> NSFW! - contains images of naked people.
> 
> Doctors: Nine, Ten & Eleven.

_There are places in the universe where the word “Doctor” is used to describe someone who is a really, really good lay._

\-----------

Jack is browsing through the stalls on Cevacici IV when the book falls into his hands. It looks a vaguely familiar, but it’s not until he recognises the lettering as one of the languages from Beatitas that he knows why.

Once he does, a wide grin spreads across his face and he asks the vendor how much he wants for it before even opening the cover. The man grins slyly and says 30 credits would be a bargain. Jack has never cared much for money, but before he’s paying that much, he wants to make sure he’s actually getting what he’s paying for.

He opens a random page and... yeah. That really is what he thinks it is. Only... it seems to be an updated version and something about the image seems rather familiar (and not in the vague sense that the book itself was familiar to him)...

“Oh you’ve got to be kidding...” Jack swears. The vendor snickers.

Jack flips forward to the editorial note.

 _The Doctor came to us in many forms, yet no matter which body he was wearing, he was always a great master in the art of lovemaking. Whenever he visited our monastery, he shared with us his wisdom and his manifold techniques. This book is an attempt to collect the knowledge he has given to the people of Beatitas on his many visits. We sincerely hope that you find it enjoyable._

 _We would like to caution those in possession of more/less limbs than depicted in each illustration to use caution when…_

Jack shakes his head in wonder and opens another page.

“I showed him that one!” Jack holds the page open for the vendor to see. “Got it from a host on Midnight.”

He flips through some more pages. “And that’s us when we were stuck in the time-repetition loop and couldn’t leave the TARDIS’ control room. Although it was this other position that eventually got us out of it. Shame we never did find out which buttons he pressed...” Jack laughed. “You wouldn’t believe the uses you can find for a six-sided console and some cables when you can’t get out. Well, I guess you would believe it, since you can see some of them right here.”

Jack laughs, flips the book shut and pays the 30 credits. Having a Timelord’s version of the Kamasutra is well worth paying a little extra.

He winks at the vendor and saunters off, already imagining the look on the Doctor’s face the next time they meet. Jack has every intention of handing him the book as a present.


End file.
